Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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