Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
