he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
