mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
