3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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