someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
