Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
