I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
