so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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