Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
