Define "chronic" masturbator.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
cat food counts as protein by the way
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
