I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
