I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
