Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
