some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
