Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I need water and some morals
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
