I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
