he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
try to milk me bitch
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
