don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
