Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
