Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I have fence marks all over my body
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
