he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
