I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
