I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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