I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I puked a lego.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
