While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
