If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
