Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
