totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
