I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
