Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
