wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
