I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
