I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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