At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
