i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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