i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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