It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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