Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
