Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
