Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
