great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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