I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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