well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
