Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
