So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
we should paint friendship bongs
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
