We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
