So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
