She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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