how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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