new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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