I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
