man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize