i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
