This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
