She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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