Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize