last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
