What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
