he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
