1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
