Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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