hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
