Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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