Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
