Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
